Less Than Three: Auto-Incorrect
by Keelah
Summary: There are many things the Lord of the Western Lands can do. Texting is not one of them. (One-shot, Sesshomaru X Kagome)
1. One-Shot: Auto-Incorrect

**Auto-Incorrect**

**(_Less Than Three series_)**

**by Keelah**

* * *

_Summary: There are many things the Lord of the Western Lands can do. Texting is not one of them._

* * *

**1 New text message: from **_**Sesshomaru**_

**I think we should try divorce.**

Kagome blinked.

_What?_

Divorce?

What's going on? Kagome's mind reeled, the harsh gleam of the white linoleum floors suddenly blurry beneath her feet. Why was this so sudden? This was the last thing she needed, especially at this moment, when she'd just stepped out of her grandfather's hospital room and after such a big scare this morning. And she and him—they were fine this morning. Everything was fine. What was going on? And why, for heaven's sake, were they having this conversation via text message?

**Kagome**: What? Why?

**Sesshomaru: **it's apparently enjoyable for human children. The pup should like it.

She stared, gaping at the screen.

**Kagome**: excuse me?

**Sesshomaru** : are you not familiar with the place, Miko? The annulment park with rides and cartoon crackers?

_Annulment park._

_Cartoon crackers._

Kagome felt all of a sudden relieved and ticked off.

**Kagome**: _Jesus_, Sesshomaru. You mean _DISNEY_?

**Sesshomaru** : yes that's what I said, love

**Kagome: **that is _not_ what you said!

**Sesshomaru: **I was thinking of how to get you rested, after all the stress with your grandfather. I thought perhaps a vaccination was a good idea.

**Kagome: **You mean a _vacation_?

**Sesshomaru: **Why are you repenetrating every I say, mate?

**Kagome: ** Sesshy, look up and re-read your texts. You're typing everything wrong! Is the new phone not working out?

**Sesshomaru: ** I think perhaps my fingers are too large for your buttocks

**Sesshomaru: **buttons

**Sesshomaru: **for the phone's buttons. The key bored

**Sesshomaru: **board

**Sesshomaru: **I don't mean _your_ buttons.

**Sesshomaru: **obviously, they are more than sufficient for _your_ button, Kate.

**Sesshomaru:** MATE. I mean mate.

**Sesshomaru: **That was a mistake.

**Sesshomaru:** There is no Kate whose buttons I press.

**Sesshomaru:** sorry Nate.

**Sesshomaru:** _Mate_. Not Nate. There's no one named Nate.

**Sesshomaru:** You know I find human males delicious.

**Sesshomaru:** I mean disgusting.

**Sesshomaru: **Love, I think this device has a mind of its own.

A laugh accidentally burst out of Kagome's lips, a little too loudly echoing down the hospital halls. She bit her lip and clamped her mouth close as the nurse at the main desk gave her a glare. She found a smile fighting to curve her lips, nonetheless. He could make her laugh, even after one of the most frightening mornings of her life.

**Kagome: ** LOL Oh, Sesshomaru. I love you.

**Sesshomaru: **You dare laugh at me? I am a lord, if you forget.

**Kagome: ** A technologically challenged lord, obviously.

**Sesshomaru: **You insolent human.

**Sesshomaru: **Nonetheless, I'm glad you're laughing again. I wish I could see your rectum.

**Sesshomaru: **OH FOR THE LOVE OF-

**Sesshomaru: **Reaction. I meant reaction.

**Sesshomaru: **Let's talk of something else. Are you alright? Is your grandfather doping well?

**Kagome: ** I think he's a little too old for heroin, Sesshomaru.

**Sesshomaru: **Coping. I meant coping!

**Kagome: ** Ahaha I just saw him. Grandpa's asleep and perfectly fine. The doctors say it was just a minor heart attack. I hope he gets better soon, though.

**Sesshomaru: **I hope he dies too.

...

**Kagome: ** What?

**Sesshomaru: **DOES! DOES!

**Sesshomaru: **I meant does. I hope he _does_ get better.

**Sesshomaru: **I apologize. But it's this ridiculous, god forsaken device you gave me, mate. It's obviously possessed.

**Kagome: ** Oh Sesshomaru. It's just a phone. What can an inanimate object do to you?

**Sesshomaru: **This worthless, unsightly, foolish instrument changes my words without my promiscuous.

**Sesshomaru: **prostitution

**Sesshomaru: **permission!

**Sesshomaru: **Useless piece of human invention.

**Sesshomaru: **Jaken can spell better than this.

**Sesshomaru: **Even my ever dimwitted half-brothel can spell batter than this.

Kagome rolled her eyes at her mate. Of course he would complain. He hated just about every god-forsaken thing invented after the 1500s.

**Kagome: ** Calm down. You'll get used to the touch screen keyboard. Did you have dinner yet?

**Sesshomaru: **Yes.

**Sesshomaru: **There was some leftover children in the fridge.

**Sesshomaru: **Chicken. I'm sorry.

**Sesshomaru: **I did not eat children for dinner.

**Kagome: ** LOL So what are you doing right now?

**Sesshomaru: **I'm just about to skewer the pup.

Kagome froze.

**Kagome: ** What?

**Sesshomaru: **Skewer

**Sesshomaru: **Shower!

_Oh._ Kagome smirked.

**Kagome: ** Shower, huh? Are you sure you don't secretly crave for cannibalism?

**Sesshomaru: **Don't be ridiculous.

**Sesshomaru: **Our pup is fine.

**Sesshomaru: **He's in his cremator.

...

**Kagome: ** _You're cremating our child!?_

**Sesshomaru: **Chamber! Chamber. He's in his chambers. I would never fart our pup.

**Sesshomaru:** Hurt. _Hurt_!

**Sesshomaru:** Mate, what kind of damned human creation is this auto erection

**Sesshomaru:** we're sending this satanic contraption back.

**Sesshomaru:** Mate?

**Sesshomaru: **Why are you not reproducing?

**Sesshomaru: **replying.

**Sesshomaru:** Kababs?

**Sesshomaru:** Kamikaze?

**Sesshomaru: **Kame hame ha?

**Sesshomaru: ** K-A-G-O-M-E. Kagome. There.

**Sesshomaru: **This phone does not like your name very much, lube.

**Sesshomaru:** I mean love.

**Sesshomaru:** Forgive me, Ka-boom.

**Sesshomaru:** OH CURSE THIS DAMNED THING.

**Sesshomaru:** By the time you get back, love, this phone will be in pie holes.

**Sesshomaru:** _Pieces_. PIECES!

**Sesshomaru:** That is it. This phone angers this lord sessional

**Sesshomaru:** sessho marinate

**Sesshomaru:** sesquicarbonate

**Sesshomaru:** FORGET IT.

**Kagome: **I guess the phone doesn't like _your_ name very much either, love.

**The End.**

* * *

**Or maybe not.**

Sesshomaru—the Lord of the Western Lands of Feudal Japan, the present owner and largest shareholder of Japan's real estate and land claims of present-day Japan, one of the most powerful demon left living and son of the renowned Ino no Taisho—glared down at the brainless, imprudent, worthless, obstinate phone that was the object of his utmost hatred.

He has fought armies of evil spirits, swarms of demons, and none have ever defeated this Sesshomaru. None.

He will not lose.

He will not lose to a stupid object invented by a stupid race (his mate, of course, was an exception).

He will not lose. He will _not_ be defeated.

Slowly—very, _very_ slowly—his fingers thrummed over the screen. That's it—one by one, letter by letter... Sesshomaru. _Sesshomaru_. 10 letters. That should be nothing.

S...E...S...

This Sesshomaru will not make a mistake.

I will not make a mistake.

I will not make a mistake.

I will not—

_Message Sent._

**Sesshomaru: **Mate, we are destroying the phone. This sesame is displeased.

_Damn it._

* * *

_Note: Just a little quick-read to brighten up the day. =)_

_Leave a review and let me know if this made you smile! If it did, then I've done my job =D  
This is the first in the __Less Than Three 3 series, which is a bunch of one-shots on how technology kills romance._

_Thanks for reading!_

_- Keelah (Author of Instant Message)_

**_Fun Fact!_**

_Most of the Auto-corrected words are true, I typed the outline on my iPod without looking & see what I'd get from Auto-correct. x)_

_I also tried about 30 freaking times before it got Sesshomaru & Kagome's names right._


	2. NEW: If Ninjas Had Twitter

**Update AUG 30/2013  
****NEW Less Than Three one-shot #3****:**

**"IF NINJAS HAD TWITTER"**

_He was leaving. She was heartbroken. There was still so much left unsaid._  
_Unfortunately, internet makes romance a lot less romantic._  
_(Kakashi x Sakura, One-shot)_

Check it out on my profile (or search engine)  
Or add this to the end of the fanfiction website: s/9645810/1/If-Ninjas-Had-Twitter-Less-Than-Three

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**Less Than Three series:**_**  
**____A collection of one-shots on love and technology._  
_Romance just got a lot less romantic._

**Auto-Incorrect (Less Than Three #1)  
**There are many things the Lord of the Western Lands can do. Texting is not one of them.  
(One-shot, Sesshomaru X Kagome)

**Decoding Emoticons (Less Than Three #2)  
**"TTYL Sesshy. CYA soon! XD" Oh god. Those evil little symbols again. He battled demons & ruled the Western Lands—but this godforsaken cult language was the one thing he can't defeat. What in the world was an X and D?  
(Kagome X Sesshomaru, One-shot)

Enjoy =)


End file.
